Quicksort best practices

Being a modern business oriented language, Java lends itself ideally to cost-minimized implementations of abstract algorithms as the shit I don't know enough buzzwords sort algorithm everybody mistakenly names bubblesort. Sort of.

The following code shows how to do this is objectoriented Java. Pure Java, 100%. With lots of News, and only a handful of semicolons.

import java.lang.*;

class quicksort
{
    public quicksort(Object [] Q)
    {
        U = new Object[Q.length*2+100];
        
        new A(Q,
        new B(0,
        new C(0,
        new D(0,
        new E(3,
        new F(0,
        new B(0,
        new C(4,
        new D(0,
        new G(1,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new G(5,
        new C(Q.length,
        new B(0,
        new C(4,
        new D(0,
        new G(1,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new C(6,
        new H(0,
        new C(2,
        new D(0,
        new C(4,
        new B(0,
        new C(4,
        new D(0,
        new G(6,
        new E(0,
        new I(Q,
        new B(0,
        new E(1,
        new D(0,
        new E(1,
        new J(0,
        new B(0,
        new C(0,
        new D(0,
        new C(0,null))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))));}class J extends o{public J(int N,o O){
        new L(
        new K(0,null),
        new C(0,(M<U.length)?
        new J(0,
        new C(0,
        new B(0,
        new C(0,
        new D(0,
        new G(1,
        new E(0,
        new B(0,
        new E(0,
        new D(0,
        new C(0,null))))))))))):null));}}class L extends o{public L(o a, o b){}}class A extends o{public A(Object[]Q,o O){
        new L(
        new E(0,
        new D(0,
        new C(Q.length,null))),
        new C(0,(M<R)?
        new A(Q,
        new B(0,
        new C(0,
        new D(0,
        new G(1,
        new E(0,
        new P(Q,
        new E(0,
        new D(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(6,
        new E(0,null)))))))))))):null));}}class S extends o{public S(int N,o O){U[N]=O;}}class T extends o{public T(int N, o O){M=compare(M,R);}}class V extends o{public V(int N,o O){
        new E(1, 
        new D(0, 
        new K(0, 
        new G(4, 
        new E(4,null)))));
        new C(0,((M==R)&&(U[5]==null))?
        new V(0,
        new L(
        new K(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4, 
        new D(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(3,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new W(1,
        new K(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,null))))))))))))))),
        new C(M,(M==R)?
        new B(0,
        new G(4,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new E(4,null))))):
        new L(
        new T(0,
        new K(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new E(1,null))))))),
        new C(0,(M<0)?
        new B(0,
        new C(5,
        new B(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(3,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new K(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,null))))))))))):null))))):null);}}class C extends o{public C(int N,o O){M = N;}}class B extends o{public B(int N,o O){U[M]=R;}}class H extends o{public H(int N,o O){U[M]=U[R];}}class P extends o{public P(Object[] Q,o O){Q[M]=R;}}class o extends Object{}class E extends o{public E(int N,o O){M=(Integer)U[N];}}class Y extends o{public Y(int N,o O){
        new L(
        new K(0,
        new G(4,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new E(1,null))))),
        new C(0,((M==R)&&(U[5]==null))?
        new Y(0,
        new L(
        new K(0,
        new G(3,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new G(3,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new G(1,
        new K(0,
        new G(3,
        new E(4,null))))))))))))))),
        new C(0,(M==R)?
        new B(0,
        new G(4,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new E(4, null))))):
        new L(
        new T(0,
        new K(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(3,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new E(1, null))))))),
        new C(0,(M>0)?
        new H(0,
        new C(5,
        new D(0,
        new C(1,
        new B(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new K(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(3,
        new E(4,null))))))))))))):null))))):null));}}class I extends o{public I(Object[] Q,o O){
        new L(
        new E(0, 
        new D(0, 
        new C(Q.length,null))),
        new C(0,(M<R)?
        new I(Q,
        new B(0,
        new C(0,
        new D(0,
        new G(1,
        new E(0,
        new B(0,
        new G(6,
        new E(0,
        new X(Q,
        new E(0,null))))))))))):null));}}class K extends o{public K(int N,o O){M=(Integer)U[M];}}class G extends o{public G(int N,o O){M+=N;}}class W extends o{public W(int N,o O){M-=N;}}class F extends o{public F(int N,o O){
        new L(
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new E(2,null))),
        new C(0,(M!=R)?
        new F(0,
        new L(
        new K(0,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(1,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new C(4,
        new D(0,
        new W(2,
        new E(4,null))))))))))),
        new C(0,(M<R)?
        new B(0,
        new C(4,
        new D(0,
        new G(4,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new G(1,
        new K(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new G(1,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new W(1,
        new K(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new G(3,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(1,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new E(1,
        new Z(0, 
        new H(0,
        new G(4,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new C(1,
        new B(0,
        new G(2,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(1,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new G(3,
        new E(4,
        new D(0,
        new W(1,
        new K(0,
        new E(4,
        new B(0,
        new C(1,
        new D(0,
        new K(0,
        new K(0,
        new G(1,
        new E(4,null))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):null))):null));}}protected Object[]U;class D extends o{public D(int N,o O){N=M;M=R;R=N;}}int M;class X extends o{public X(Object[]Q,o O){R=(Integer)Q[M];}}int R;class Z extends o{public Z(int N,o O){
        new L(
        new K(0, 
        new G(4, 
        new E(4, 
        new D(0, 
        new E(1, null))))),
        new C(0,(M==R)?
        new Z(0, 
        new L(
        new Y(0, 
        new S(5, null)),
        new V(0, 
        new S(5, null)))):null));}
    }
    
    protected int compare(Object a,Object b)
    {
        return ((Integer)a).compareTo((Integer)b);
    }
}

public class qs   
{   
    public static void main(String[] args)
    {
        Integer [] test = new Integer[100];
        for( int i = 0; i < test.length; i++ )
            test[i] = (int) (Math.random() * 10000);
        
        new quicksort(test);
        for( int i = 0; i < test.length; i++ )
            System.out.print(test[i] + "," );
        System.out.println();
        
    }
}